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You have a brilliant, brilliant mind. And, it intimidates me because my thoughts have a certain type of electricity that doesn’t always flow - they short-circuit. But, you have thoughts and words and actions and dreams and plans that remind me of those bonfires down at Dana Point. What’s supposed to be controlled is raw and real in you. And that terrifies me, and I think it terrifies you, because I don’t know that you have experienced any real love yet. Your mind may be hazardous to others, and maybe to yourself, but to me, it’s beautiful. You’re really beautiful.

"i’m not beautiful"

i’m not beautiful
I want to tell him
I am made of words
Left on my tongue
That never quite leave
Because they’ll come out all wrong

i’m not beautiful
I am an earthquake;
A jumbled mess of cracked dirt
And stilled wind
trying to hold it together
but my core is melting

i’m not beautiful
Because I try to be holy
but just knowing you exist
defeats the purpose;
I am a broken angel
and I just feel worthless

i’m not beautiful
because sometimes when you touch
or talk
or look at me
I lose all ability to breathe
And in my opinion
Someone full of beauty
should be able to take you in

i’m nowhere close to beautiful
and there are many reasons
why I don’t believe you
when you say I am

but I guess the biggest one
is that
no matter how much I try;
I know I can’t

I’m lonely
I’m shriveled
I’m choking to the core

I look at you
And I don’t even know you anymore

I don’t know what you’ve done
But I do know what you did
Nothing bad is in your past
No one needs to dig

Yet, you have this effect on me
Something I cannot erase
I do know I love you a lot
But I can’t help that I look at you in hate

You make me feel so angry
At myself entirely
You make me feel like I’m not good enough
Not for you or anybody

And now I see that you might be right
And I hate myself so much
Because I let you make me feel so small
Like I don’t deserve anyone’s touch

Is this what depression is
Because I’m overthinking the truth
The truth is that I’m not okay
And I want to be good enough for you

But how can that be
How can I ever be acceptable
To you or anybody
If I’m not even good enough for me

(You make me hate myself;
I make me hate myself.)

djt 12/30/13

Soul Mate.

It feels like I’ve known you my entire life;
We spoke of soul mates just last night.

You said that
Whoever has me
Would be happy.

And yet,
I couldn’t help but wish then
That h e would be y o u;

Would you be happy,
If that wish
Came true?
djt 1/1/2014

My eyes are burning,
My muscles ache;
No blood is being made,
From my missing heart
That cannot be replaced.

You ran away with it,
Somewhere I do not know.
Yet, the cure for me
Lies with every step, with every beat -
But, the farther you go.

Stop.

If you could only slow down for a bit,
Just tell me what’s wrong?
Come now,
Walk with me.
It won’t be too long.

You’re not too far.
You’re right here.

You see that?
The space between your lips and mine -
The ache, the burn -
The pain, the distance -
All of this
Can be fixed
by just your kisses.
djt 1/2/2014

Giddy;

I’m on a high
I’ve realized
That all I need
To be happy
Is me

Me, myself, and I
We’re all leaving you behind

I’ve got no worries
Nothing to break my heart
Nothing or no one
Will rip me apart

And should I fall,
I’ll just land on the clouds
Of my cares
That I’ve released into the air

Because I don’t care at all,
No, I don’t care at all.

I’m happy.
And free.

(Thanks to God, my friends, and family.
And…
I guess, thanks to me.)

:)
djt 1/3/2014

"How was school?"

Your lips have weight.
I never noticed before;
Happiness was
Lifting them up
Creating a crevice moon shape
Until they couldn’t float any higher
In the sky
Underneath your nose and your eyes
Anymore -
I never noticed before.

That was me
Last week
Where the dimples in my cheek
Were craters so deep
But, now, it’s not so
Easy.

Now, I notice.
I feel them sag;
I feel the effects of gravity
Weighing down on me

Today was not a small step for man
It was a giant leap.

And, I can’t handle it,
This universe I keep,
Expressed under the sky
Of my nose and my eyes
Is falling apart.

The weight of the world
Is sitting atop my half-moon;
I feel the cracks on the surface,
The blood raining in drips;
What hurts is that
No one even noticed.

We’re all just planets
Wrapped up in ourselves
The only things we know well

With half-moon crevices in our skies
The stars in our eyes
Waiting to meet

Today,
It was all out of orbit;
It all exploded.

It happened so fast

Now,
I am a universe made of ash,
With only an eclipse for my lips.

And I just want to smile again.

djt 1/6/2014